I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize