he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
