I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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