Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
