I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
