What a fucking waste of an outfit
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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