Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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