sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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