roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
