that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cockslap morals
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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