What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
