Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
