OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize