There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need water and some morals
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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