she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
