i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
