dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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