can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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