Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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