I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
