how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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