Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
