im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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