whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
