Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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