i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
