i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
