mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
