she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
