halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
