five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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