and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think my moral compass just broke
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize