the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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