Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
