How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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