Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
