Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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