my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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