dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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