Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
