the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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