I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
