It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
