those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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