about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I believe in your delicious
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
