my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just gift wrapped bread.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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