I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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