You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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