There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
