So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
