dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
