11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
