Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
