I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
