So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
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You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
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So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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