a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
