If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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