When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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