I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
