i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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