[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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