If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Text me some of your sweat
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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