You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
