What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think people are normalizing furries
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
