we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
