he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
